Campus girl raped and killed. Body dumped in a sugar plantain. The headline read. It took me back to a time last year, back to a crazy night - like the many we all have or have had. It was her birthday party and like many parties, the drinks were flowing and the laughter was loud in the air. Five ladies and a cake but mostly boobs - they caught my eye over the night - she couldn't be more ecstatic, the birthday lady. As the hours went by, a decision had to be made about the next location since we were at a restaurant. A popular bar in the centre of kampala was decided upon though i'd rather, at that time, lie down in my warm bed but the boobs wouldn't let me be. To cut to the chase, i drank more than i should and mixed a few drinks, consequently my decisions were questioned as i sat down on the cold floor in the washroom as my body ejected the alcohol. Vulnerable, that is what we turn into once the alcohol sets in. We are told to consume and yes, we consume gallons of alcohol every single night enough to be called a 'beer nation'.
For a woman, intoxication puts her at the risk of anything; from rape to murder. Women, with their perfect bodies, to some are only sexual objects - not far from dildos, used and discarded immediately after an orgasm comes through. Sex is power. It is life and death and like power, it can be abused. You might be shocked to learn the things that set off some men - things that get them going - one of them being fear. Fear is a fascinating emotion studied endlessly by scholars. Some psychopaths get sexual gratification from overpowering, causing suffering to their victims and instilling fear into their eyes. Once i read about an American psycho who would savagely beat up his victims, bite their breasts, hands and feet and finally fuck them till they bled to death. Another, bound his victims to chairs and tied ropes around one of their breasts and inserted needles in their nipples. As gruesome as they might be, these things happen.
When you are out meeting strangers in a bar, you can't think about such things because you are comfortable; comfortable with the way they dance, the way they smile or look at you. You feel a connection, a connection that blinds your innocent eyes and before long, you are diving into his arms and sleeping in his bed. I have seen the positive outcomes of meeting strangers in a bar, nightclub or concert. Couples share those stories every now and then so we cannot assume only bad comes out of the connection. How best do you know the person next to you? Do you know their deepest darkest fantasies? Sadly, we cannot see into each other. We can only be made to believe that we can due to what we see on the outside - the smiles and endless conversations where you strip all the secrets in your possession. In most instances, the stranger doesn't share anything about his past or present, but acts like a psychiatrist, listening and navigating the conversation. Since you are so caught up in the moment - the connection - you do not see all the signs. You call up your girlfriends and share your lucky findings with them. "You are so lucky, he is so handsome" "Dont let him go" they say over the phone. He has you entangled up in his webb that you cannot realise it till it is too late; till you are strapped onto his bed screaming out for help.
Well, before you find me overly pessimistic, think about all the times you risked your life with a complete stranger. Some rapes are premeditated, they are not coincidental. It's not like you were moving West and came about a sick serial rapist who found you a probable victim. Serial rapists are known to stalk their victims over time. They know where you work, where you shop, where you hangout, your family, your church and anything else you might think about. They are closer to you than you know. A rapist could be your best friend quietly waiting for you to drop your guard - waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce on you. Murder is one thing, but we all know, there are things worse than murder. To be robbed of your life while you are still alive. To live each day with a cloud of fear floating above you. To carry a virus you didn't ask for. The President once said, "Some of you go around shopping for AIDS and you always find it" It was a cold statement like many of his statements but it is the cold truth if you look at it with a clear head.
Ladies, when they say protect yourself, they are not only talking about condoms and contraceptives. They are talking about protecting yourself as a whole. Learning how to defend yourself, trusting many but keeping to yourself. The internet is making it hard to protect your identity, but i still know a couple of people who keep their private, personal lives away from the public - away from social media. A simple picture relays information - a lot of information about you without you knowing it. Information is good provided that it is in good hands, but how do you determine the good hands when picture information spreads faster than a cold on a hot day? Given that you cannot be sure about anything, you would rather not risk it. Drink, smoke and have fun but always have a trusted friend close by, a friend who will carry you home or hold up your hair as you throw up. The world isn't just black and white, it is full of many colours, just like people. You cannot trust someone just because they drive a nice car or crack the best jokes or have many followers on Twitter. Hell, you cannot trust me - the writer of this piece for i could be a psycho in waiting. ***
For a woman, intoxication puts her at the risk of anything; from rape to murder. Women, with their perfect bodies, to some are only sexual objects - not far from dildos, used and discarded immediately after an orgasm comes through. Sex is power. It is life and death and like power, it can be abused. You might be shocked to learn the things that set off some men - things that get them going - one of them being fear. Fear is a fascinating emotion studied endlessly by scholars. Some psychopaths get sexual gratification from overpowering, causing suffering to their victims and instilling fear into their eyes. Once i read about an American psycho who would savagely beat up his victims, bite their breasts, hands and feet and finally fuck them till they bled to death. Another, bound his victims to chairs and tied ropes around one of their breasts and inserted needles in their nipples. As gruesome as they might be, these things happen.
When you are out meeting strangers in a bar, you can't think about such things because you are comfortable; comfortable with the way they dance, the way they smile or look at you. You feel a connection, a connection that blinds your innocent eyes and before long, you are diving into his arms and sleeping in his bed. I have seen the positive outcomes of meeting strangers in a bar, nightclub or concert. Couples share those stories every now and then so we cannot assume only bad comes out of the connection. How best do you know the person next to you? Do you know their deepest darkest fantasies? Sadly, we cannot see into each other. We can only be made to believe that we can due to what we see on the outside - the smiles and endless conversations where you strip all the secrets in your possession. In most instances, the stranger doesn't share anything about his past or present, but acts like a psychiatrist, listening and navigating the conversation. Since you are so caught up in the moment - the connection - you do not see all the signs. You call up your girlfriends and share your lucky findings with them. "You are so lucky, he is so handsome" "Dont let him go" they say over the phone. He has you entangled up in his webb that you cannot realise it till it is too late; till you are strapped onto his bed screaming out for help.
Well, before you find me overly pessimistic, think about all the times you risked your life with a complete stranger. Some rapes are premeditated, they are not coincidental. It's not like you were moving West and came about a sick serial rapist who found you a probable victim. Serial rapists are known to stalk their victims over time. They know where you work, where you shop, where you hangout, your family, your church and anything else you might think about. They are closer to you than you know. A rapist could be your best friend quietly waiting for you to drop your guard - waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce on you. Murder is one thing, but we all know, there are things worse than murder. To be robbed of your life while you are still alive. To live each day with a cloud of fear floating above you. To carry a virus you didn't ask for. The President once said, "Some of you go around shopping for AIDS and you always find it" It was a cold statement like many of his statements but it is the cold truth if you look at it with a clear head.
Ladies, when they say protect yourself, they are not only talking about condoms and contraceptives. They are talking about protecting yourself as a whole. Learning how to defend yourself, trusting many but keeping to yourself. The internet is making it hard to protect your identity, but i still know a couple of people who keep their private, personal lives away from the public - away from social media. A simple picture relays information - a lot of information about you without you knowing it. Information is good provided that it is in good hands, but how do you determine the good hands when picture information spreads faster than a cold on a hot day? Given that you cannot be sure about anything, you would rather not risk it. Drink, smoke and have fun but always have a trusted friend close by, a friend who will carry you home or hold up your hair as you throw up. The world isn't just black and white, it is full of many colours, just like people. You cannot trust someone just because they drive a nice car or crack the best jokes or have many followers on Twitter. Hell, you cannot trust me - the writer of this piece for i could be a psycho in waiting. ***
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